A Full House

I have a new housemate. 

I'm 30 years old and in the last two weeks I have had to run an ad on Craigslist in an effort to rent the two spare bedrooms in my rented home, so I can afford a familiar place for me, Gideon and Noelle to live while everything else is changing all around us. 

Enter Marcus, my housemate of three days.  He's an easy going guy, a former CSUB basketball player, a sports fanatic, and a gentleman.  When we first met he informed me that he has a 3-year old son, and asked me if that would be a problem.  Considering Gideon barked at Marcus until he ran outside and stood with the security door between them at their first meeting, I figured Marcus' son couldn't possibly be more of a problem than my furry baby.

And he wasn't.  Until tonight.

I ran home from my parents' house, just three doors down, to feed the dogs dinner and grab my laptop.  I opened the door surprised to see Jordan, Marcus' son, laying on my sofa. 

"WHOA!  You scared me!  Are you friends with my dad?"

"Yes.  I live here too." 

"Oh.  Come here!"  Jordan grabbed me by the hand and led me to the kitchen where he pointed at the window in the back door.  He was showing my own dogs to me!  I asked him if he would like to meet Noelle and he said yes.  I let Noelle in and she ran excited circles around him, licked his hands, and rolled on the floor for him to rub her belly.  Marcus showed Jordan how Noelle shakes paws and Jordan just loved Noelle.  I told Jordan that I would have to take Noelle outside to feed her and Gideon, and he said he wanted to help.  I explained that it wasn't a good time for him to help me and that next time he came over he could meet the big dog and feed them both. 

After I fed the dogs and had washed my hands, Jordan walked up to me and asked if he I had fed them and if he could see them again.  I held him at the window and he marveled at the way they mowed down their bowls of food.  I put Jordan down and told him I had to go, and he told me it was nice to meet me. 

When I walked out of the door and to the curb, I broke into tears. I know that I will get used to having Jordan around a few days a week and that he is so friendly that I will even enjoy having him, but I couldn't help but think that these were moments I should be sharing with my Gabriel.  I couldn't help but wonder what a 3-year old Gabriel would feel like sitting on my hip and clinging to my arm. I couldn't help but think about what a good mommy I will never get to be to my own baby boy and when I thought about that I just couldn't help but cry.